I know it has been months since my last update, but I can finally say we have more days behind us then ahead!!
May- Allie had her first big dance recital with costumes. She was front and center and stole the show. They had a daddy/daughter dance at the end and since daddy is deployed her Papa came and danced with her. Caleb has 3 bottom teeth and he started going to drop off daycare.
June- we gained another Angel in heaven, Adam's Grandmother passed away. School ended and we said goodbye to a few friends who PCS'ed (permanent change of station). We started playing with our friends down the street whose daddy is also on the MEU.
July-We drove to Michigan. On the way there we made many stops at different places. We stayed the night with a few friends and made many memories with my brother Conrad and his family. I became a godmother to my niece Victoria. Caleb started low crawling.
August- We drove back home, with ants in are car and baby Caleb had a serious eye infection & pink eye. what a fun ride!?! Allie started dance class for her 2nd year. Allie started kindergarten. Caleb is working on 2 top teeth. I started selling Scentsy, which I LOVE!
September- is just beginning but we have already filled it with many activities. Allie's birthday- we had a big celebration with friends and family at a horse farm, where all the kids had a blast with pony rides and games. Allie started gymnastics for the 2nd year in a row. I started volunteering at a couple places. Caleb can stand holding onto something and is very attached to his mommy and binky.
I am officially in Homecoming mode! Trying to get all the things done that I wanted to do do before Adam gets home. I just ordered Adam's Welcome home sign, I started working out 2 times day, and Kids and I are working on Spanish everyday! I have a potluck at my house once a month to try out new recipes.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
Staying busy...a blessing and a curse
As you may have noticed, I have not written a blog entry in a little over a month. We are finally adjusting to our life with out Adam/daddy...which means we are staying extremely busy. Staying busy helps me keep my mind off the pain of not having my husband, but it also helps keep the kids from thinking about where daddy is.
May is the last month for Ballet/tap and for gymnastics, in the 2nd week in June Alexis gets out of school. Along with appointments, playdates, organizing MEU outings, its been exhausting. Some days we have 3-4 things (activities) going on that day! Some days I wish we weren't so busy. However the day we don't have activities I find myself organizing/planning more for the next week.
Over the summer my big plans consist of cleaning out the house, getting rid of things we absolutely do not need and taking a drive back to my hometown with my 2 crazy kids!
May is the last month for Ballet/tap and for gymnastics, in the 2nd week in June Alexis gets out of school. Along with appointments, playdates, organizing MEU outings, its been exhausting. Some days we have 3-4 things (activities) going on that day! Some days I wish we weren't so busy. However the day we don't have activities I find myself organizing/planning more for the next week.
Over the summer my big plans consist of cleaning out the house, getting rid of things we absolutely do not need and taking a drive back to my hometown with my 2 crazy kids!
Friday, April 20, 2012
Being Apart....
When it comes to being apart Adam and I are no strangers....
The last 8 years in review
2004-2006 - Middle of August 2004- Adam and Paula meet and start dating in college, Christmas break 3 weeks long. summer break 3 months long.
2007- January- Adam enlisted into the USMC and leaves for boot camp for 12 weeks, all his training ends in late September 2007
2008- January-May Paula is in SC to finish college
2009- January- Adam is selected into the Officer program 10 weeks, summer/fall Adam is in the basic school which consumes his life, we got to see each other mainly on Sundays IF he didn't have to make up a class or do homework.
2010- Adam is in more training from November 2009-June2010
2011-January-September Adam is gone every couple months to training exercise for sometimes a couple days to weeks. October Adam starts leaving for work ups on his upcoming deployment gone 2 weeks to a month at a time.
2012- January-March- Adam is gone for weeks at a time for his last training before the deployment
March-? Adam is deployed
Each and every time we were apart, I was able to pick up the phone and call him. Talk to him, about whatever was on my mind. But this time i do not have the luxury. I can obviously deal with the distance, but not knowing if he is OK or when i will hear from him is what hurts the most. distance does make the heart grow founder but geeze I would love 1 full year without him being gone for days or months, but life in USMC= unlikely!
So I guess I just need to embrace it. Take this time (the longest time I have ever not worked since i was 14) and enjoy life. Enjoy and make a life long relationship with my kids, go and do different things that I wouldn't normally do. But it is hard to do those things when you are constantly worrying about your other half, or trying to deal with the stress of being a "single' parent.
The last 8 years in review
2004-2006 - Middle of August 2004- Adam and Paula meet and start dating in college, Christmas break 3 weeks long. summer break 3 months long.
2007- January- Adam enlisted into the USMC and leaves for boot camp for 12 weeks, all his training ends in late September 2007
2008- January-May Paula is in SC to finish college
2009- January- Adam is selected into the Officer program 10 weeks, summer/fall Adam is in the basic school which consumes his life, we got to see each other mainly on Sundays IF he didn't have to make up a class or do homework.
2010- Adam is in more training from November 2009-June2010
2011-January-September Adam is gone every couple months to training exercise for sometimes a couple days to weeks. October Adam starts leaving for work ups on his upcoming deployment gone 2 weeks to a month at a time.
2012- January-March- Adam is gone for weeks at a time for his last training before the deployment
March-? Adam is deployed
Each and every time we were apart, I was able to pick up the phone and call him. Talk to him, about whatever was on my mind. But this time i do not have the luxury. I can obviously deal with the distance, but not knowing if he is OK or when i will hear from him is what hurts the most. distance does make the heart grow founder but geeze I would love 1 full year without him being gone for days or months, but life in USMC= unlikely!
So I guess I just need to embrace it. Take this time (the longest time I have ever not worked since i was 14) and enjoy life. Enjoy and make a life long relationship with my kids, go and do different things that I wouldn't normally do. But it is hard to do those things when you are constantly worrying about your other half, or trying to deal with the stress of being a "single' parent.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
The what ifs.....
Just another Wednesday night at the Smith house, getting the kids ready for bed when all of a sudden....
I notice a message from a friend expressing her concern about the 24 MEU, and how they lost 2 men. IMMEDIATELY I start to research whats going on. Seconds later I find, http://www.militarytimes.com/news/2012/04/marine-morocco-embassy-says-2-killed-crash-041112/
I read it, then re-read it and my heart starts racing. I cant stop thinking about the last conversation I had with Adam. He was bummed out that he was NOT going to be able to get off the ship and train in Morocco. BUT the what ifs entered my mind and I panicked. I forward the link to my in-laws and a close friend. Reminder to all this is Adam and my first ever deployment. I put the kids in bed trying not to let on that anything is going on. As soon as I walk out of Allie's room I fell to my knees and started praying and through tears I begged, that Adam would be ok, safe and sound on the ship.
Thoughts all night while watching the news, talking with friends and researching for updates on-line, I could not help but think about the what ifs. What if Adam was needed to help train and was on that helicopter. What if he was one of those who are injured or deceased! WHAT IF?!! The thoughts just drove me crazy. Everyone just kept telling me "NO news is GOOD news". I could not get it out of my head. I was dreading the thought.....what if i heard my door bell ring!
The waiting game, hours felt like they were going by at a snails pace. I just wanted the media or the Marine corps to release the names of those involved in the crash. I wanted for my own selfish reasons to have some sense of relief. I WANTED more than anything an email or a phone call from my husband reassuring that he was safe and sound. BUT as I found out, ALL communication was shut down until families of those involved were notified.
When I finally woke up from what little sleep I did get, a friend of mine called and tried to re-assure me that Adam is ok. In my gut, i felt a little better and went about my birthday plans. I was sitting at lunch with some of my friends and I got the email I was waiting for. Then later that night, I got my call! To hear my husbands voice was the best feeling in the world. I am new to this whole deployment thing, but I HOPE I NEVER have to go thought the worry and wait again!
I hope all of you reading this will keep the families of those involved with crash in your prayers. Also for ALL the brave military members overseas!
I notice a message from a friend expressing her concern about the 24 MEU, and how they lost 2 men. IMMEDIATELY I start to research whats going on. Seconds later I find, http://www.militarytimes.com/news/2012/04/marine-morocco-embassy-says-2-killed-crash-041112/
I read it, then re-read it and my heart starts racing. I cant stop thinking about the last conversation I had with Adam. He was bummed out that he was NOT going to be able to get off the ship and train in Morocco. BUT the what ifs entered my mind and I panicked. I forward the link to my in-laws and a close friend. Reminder to all this is Adam and my first ever deployment. I put the kids in bed trying not to let on that anything is going on. As soon as I walk out of Allie's room I fell to my knees and started praying and through tears I begged, that Adam would be ok, safe and sound on the ship.
Thoughts all night while watching the news, talking with friends and researching for updates on-line, I could not help but think about the what ifs. What if Adam was needed to help train and was on that helicopter. What if he was one of those who are injured or deceased! WHAT IF?!! The thoughts just drove me crazy. Everyone just kept telling me "NO news is GOOD news". I could not get it out of my head. I was dreading the thought.....what if i heard my door bell ring!
The waiting game, hours felt like they were going by at a snails pace. I just wanted the media or the Marine corps to release the names of those involved in the crash. I wanted for my own selfish reasons to have some sense of relief. I WANTED more than anything an email or a phone call from my husband reassuring that he was safe and sound. BUT as I found out, ALL communication was shut down until families of those involved were notified.
When I finally woke up from what little sleep I did get, a friend of mine called and tried to re-assure me that Adam is ok. In my gut, i felt a little better and went about my birthday plans. I was sitting at lunch with some of my friends and I got the email I was waiting for. Then later that night, I got my call! To hear my husbands voice was the best feeling in the world. I am new to this whole deployment thing, but I HOPE I NEVER have to go thought the worry and wait again!
I hope all of you reading this will keep the families of those involved with crash in your prayers. Also for ALL the brave military members overseas!
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Technology
It is AMAZING to live in the day and time that we do! I am so happy to have communication with my husband at least once a day! We usually connect by email and we have talked on a couple phone calls. I get so excited when I hear the email notification ring on my phone. It is SO great to hear his voice, especially when I am having a no good, rotten day!! I'm not sure if once they get farther away if we wont be able to connect as much, but I am defiantly loving the communication right now!!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
This is NOT an april fools joke...
Adam is now officially deployed!
It has been a long time coming with all the many months off doing training and home for a couple weeks and then off for more training. But now I can officially start the count down to his return. As I wrote before, I CANNOT post dates of when he left, where he is or when he will be home. This is a security measure that is very important, I can say on facebook you can follow the deployment. It is the USMC 24th MEU page, the Commanding officer approves the things on there, No one is to re post in their own words but you can post the link:) confusing but those are the rules the wives are SUPPOSE to follow.
Pre-deployment leave-
Adam LOVES the mountains, so we rented a cabin in Gatlinburg, TN. We spend a few days there where it was absolutely beautiful weather. Our days were full of family fun and tons of sight seeing.
The week before "D" day-
Well if anyone has ever prepared for a big test, game or recital then you know there is a ton of tension right before. well amplify that tension with screaming, crying kids:) Adam and I were both on edge about everything.. we fought over some really silly things, but it wasn't the dishes we were mad about, it was the thought of having both kids by myself everyday, or the fact that Adam is going to miss the million things the kids will do from now till then.
The Day Before-
We spent the day packing up his gear and getting some last minute things. we actually drove up to where the ships were docked (4.5 hours away). Funny story- I'm busy packing up the things for the kids for the day, and don't notice what Adam packs. We get to the ship and he pulls out ONE bag, i was confused we drove 4.5 hours to drop off one bag?! oh well, we were able to see the ship, where he works, eats, stays fit, and sleeps. That night I was NOT able to sleep!
The day of-
I told Adam to wake me up early so we could spend some time together. He made me coffee and breakfast and we just talked. I had Adam do some last minute things, He wrote letters to Alexis, he made some video recordings of her favorite books and recordings of special messages for her. I started crying when he made Allie's birthday video- this is her first birthday he will miss, and just hearing him say how he wishes he could be here to do something special with her just broke my heart.
Adam was told to be there at 0700, WELL we get there to find a handful of people there (hurry up and wait is the way of the marine corps). We ended up coming home and spending some more time together. When we got back to his shop, it all went by so fast. He un-loaded his gear and we waited for the buses to arrive. When the buses pulled up it hit me like a brick. Alexis was playing with the other kids, caleb was napping, while Adam and I just looked at each other. Hearing the Major yell we had 5 more minutes made it feel so real. we called Alexis over gave our last hugs and kisses and he loaded up on the bus. Watching the buses pull away was both hard but at the same time it was a sort of sigh or relief. I say it was a sigh of relief because now I can count down the days till his return.
All I ask of blog readers is that you say a prayer for ALL the military members deployed and their families. Thank you all for reading and I will be posting many times a week!!
It has been a long time coming with all the many months off doing training and home for a couple weeks and then off for more training. But now I can officially start the count down to his return. As I wrote before, I CANNOT post dates of when he left, where he is or when he will be home. This is a security measure that is very important, I can say on facebook you can follow the deployment. It is the USMC 24th MEU page, the Commanding officer approves the things on there, No one is to re post in their own words but you can post the link:) confusing but those are the rules the wives are SUPPOSE to follow.
Pre-deployment leave-
Adam LOVES the mountains, so we rented a cabin in Gatlinburg, TN. We spend a few days there where it was absolutely beautiful weather. Our days were full of family fun and tons of sight seeing.
The week before "D" day-
Well if anyone has ever prepared for a big test, game or recital then you know there is a ton of tension right before. well amplify that tension with screaming, crying kids:) Adam and I were both on edge about everything.. we fought over some really silly things, but it wasn't the dishes we were mad about, it was the thought of having both kids by myself everyday, or the fact that Adam is going to miss the million things the kids will do from now till then.
The Day Before-
We spent the day packing up his gear and getting some last minute things. we actually drove up to where the ships were docked (4.5 hours away). Funny story- I'm busy packing up the things for the kids for the day, and don't notice what Adam packs. We get to the ship and he pulls out ONE bag, i was confused we drove 4.5 hours to drop off one bag?! oh well, we were able to see the ship, where he works, eats, stays fit, and sleeps. That night I was NOT able to sleep!
The day of-
I told Adam to wake me up early so we could spend some time together. He made me coffee and breakfast and we just talked. I had Adam do some last minute things, He wrote letters to Alexis, he made some video recordings of her favorite books and recordings of special messages for her. I started crying when he made Allie's birthday video- this is her first birthday he will miss, and just hearing him say how he wishes he could be here to do something special with her just broke my heart.
Adam was told to be there at 0700, WELL we get there to find a handful of people there (hurry up and wait is the way of the marine corps). We ended up coming home and spending some more time together. When we got back to his shop, it all went by so fast. He un-loaded his gear and we waited for the buses to arrive. When the buses pulled up it hit me like a brick. Alexis was playing with the other kids, caleb was napping, while Adam and I just looked at each other. Hearing the Major yell we had 5 more minutes made it feel so real. we called Alexis over gave our last hugs and kisses and he loaded up on the bus. Watching the buses pull away was both hard but at the same time it was a sort of sigh or relief. I say it was a sigh of relief because now I can count down the days till his return.
All I ask of blog readers is that you say a prayer for ALL the military members deployed and their families. Thank you all for reading and I will be posting many times a week!!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Need your email address...
Hey guys, thanks for viewing my page. Adam thinks its best if we make this private. SoIi need all your email addresses by the end of the month if you want to contiue to follow:)
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Down to the wire.......
PRE-DEPLOYMENT TIME- Adam is home after 3.5 weeks of his last training. Thinking about saying goodbye to him for MANY, MANY months just makes my heart hurt. I couldn’t sleep last night thinking about how I only have such short time with him. I need to show him how much I love him instead of arguing over silly trivial things. Seeing Adam hug allie and hold Caleb for the first time in weeks just made me tear up. There is so much we need to get done and prepare for this LONG deployment.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
New Years Resolutions, Lent & Deployment Determinations
New Years resolution-
Commitments people make to themselves to improve or change certain habits in the coming year.
For 2012-mine is to grow closer to GOD, and to be more patient and understanding. I’m making a huge leap in the right direction, I have been going to church every Sunday (with the kids). I am reading the purpose driven life, the love dare-365 day challenge, a daily devotional and doing a program where you read the whole bible in a year.
Lent-
is the period of 40 days that comes before the celebration of Easter. Today we know Lent as a season of conversion: we acknowledge the ways we have turned away from God in our lives and we focus on turning our hearts and minds back toward God. The three pillars of Lent are prayer and fasting. These help us turn away from whatever has distracted or derailed us and to turn back to God. Giving up something for Lent is ultimately a form of fasting. We can deprive ourselves of some small pleasure or indulgence and offer that sacrifice up to God.
"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me" (Luke 9:23).
For the past couple years I have given up two things that are in my everyday life. Starbucks coffee (any coffee not made at home) and sweets (that includes ALL sweets, except gum). To me when I reach for sweets or want a tall white mocha I will instead turn my focus on God and devote time to him.
Deployment Determinations-
Something I made up, its like a new years resolution but its something you want to accomplish before your loved one sees you again!
Commitments people make to themselves to improve or change certain habits in the coming year.
For 2012-mine is to grow closer to GOD, and to be more patient and understanding. I’m making a huge leap in the right direction, I have been going to church every Sunday (with the kids). I am reading the purpose driven life, the love dare-365 day challenge, a daily devotional and doing a program where you read the whole bible in a year.
Lent-
is the period of 40 days that comes before the celebration of Easter. Today we know Lent as a season of conversion: we acknowledge the ways we have turned away from God in our lives and we focus on turning our hearts and minds back toward God. The three pillars of Lent are prayer and fasting. These help us turn away from whatever has distracted or derailed us and to turn back to God. Giving up something for Lent is ultimately a form of fasting. We can deprive ourselves of some small pleasure or indulgence and offer that sacrifice up to God.
"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me" (Luke 9:23).
For the past couple years I have given up two things that are in my everyday life. Starbucks coffee (any coffee not made at home) and sweets (that includes ALL sweets, except gum). To me when I reach for sweets or want a tall white mocha I will instead turn my focus on God and devote time to him.
Deployment Determinations-
Something I made up, its like a new years resolution but its something you want to accomplish before your loved one sees you again!
- I want to get back down to my Pre-Caleb weight (actually 5 pounds less than what I was before I got pregnant with him).
- I want to learn the basics of German, and teach the basics to my children. Along with teaching Caleb the basics of Spanish and sign language (and re-teaching Alexis).
- I want to get out of credit card debit, and not a chunk out of student loans.
- I want to save a chunk of money to go to Disney when Adam comes home.
- I want to get rid of all the things we don’t need ex. Old clothes, decorations and what not.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Communication Lottery...
When military men and women are doing training or deployed it usually takes a while to get any type of communication. As a military spouse you have to get use to it. You take what you can get. An email, a letter, a phone call or skype, doesn’t matter they all make you feel like you just won the lottery! You never know when your going to get contact with your spouse, so you learn to keep your phone charged and to take it everywhere with you.
Yesterday I thought it was awesome to get an email in the early morning, BUT I was even more lucky that I got a brief phone call too. In some weird sense just hearing his voice makes me feel like everything is ok and gives me a sense of positive energy to keep pushing forward until I hear from him again…
Yesterday I thought it was awesome to get an email in the early morning, BUT I was even more lucky that I got a brief phone call too. In some weird sense just hearing his voice makes me feel like everything is ok and gives me a sense of positive energy to keep pushing forward until I hear from him again…
Friday, February 3, 2012
Life after the Marine Corps?!?!
There are many variables in this equation, but it is a possibility that Adam may be out of the USMC by next year, 2013!
After 5 years you kind of get use to the life style- the moving every 3 years (which was every year the first 3 years he was in), the meeting new people, the units, the terminology, the UNIFORMS: ) If you have read my other blog post then you know I want(ed) to join the USMC, but with 2 babies and a husband who has a combat arms job…well it doesn’t seem feasible. I was so glad when the love of my life told me he decided against the army and enlisted in the USMC. I told him from the begging no matter what he decides, I will always be right beside him, supporting every decision. That held true then and it continues now and forever.
Adam teeter totters every day with the choice to stay in. No joke every day it changes, some days he really enjoys it, others he hates it. I tried to tell him that is how every job is, but he is determined his dream job would be peachy everyday! Although he may never admit it, I think the separation of him and us really gets to him.
What will we do? Where will we live?
Of course I cant wait to get back to work. I cant really explain it, but growing up having my mom stay at home, I just feel the need to work. I have been debating getting my masters in family/marriage counseling, working with trouble teens, or teaching. But if Adam gets out next year, I am debating being a substitute teacher or working in a daycare, then going back to work full time once Caleb starts preschool.
Adam is weighing a bunch of different options- including but not limited to…. FBI, CIA, U.S. Marshals, changing branches, going to medical school, being a teacher and hoping to coach football. Ideally Adam wants to start his/ our business, but I don’t foresee that happening for a long time. This business I am talking about is- a microbrewery. Adam has only made 2 different kinds of beers and he really enjoys doing it. Ideally once he has perfected his beer and we have enough money saved, we are planning to buy a place (near Clemson of course), and have it a microbrewery and restaurant. This idea was suppose to take place after retiring from the Marines.
Of course depending what job Adam and I get will depend where we move. We dont really have a set place that we want to go, but he doesnt want to go up north and neither do I.
Ideally when Adam joined the USMC he wanted to see if it was a career he would enjoy. The first 2 years were good and once he was selected to be an officer, the future was bright with the potential of making the Marine Corps a career. However now Adam is not so sure this is what he wants to do. Plus the military as a whole is cutting back, which means less slots for the everyone, including officers. This year is a Big turning point. Adam is put on the Captain board this spring. IF he is selected, he has the choice to be on the career designation board. Then late in the fall, if he decides he does want to stay in AND is captain select he finds out if the USMC wants to keep him. So there are many ifs. But the biggest if is- if Adam wants to stay in, then the rest is not in our hands.
Prayers are definitely welcome: )
After 5 years you kind of get use to the life style- the moving every 3 years (which was every year the first 3 years he was in), the meeting new people, the units, the terminology, the UNIFORMS: ) If you have read my other blog post then you know I want(ed) to join the USMC, but with 2 babies and a husband who has a combat arms job…well it doesn’t seem feasible. I was so glad when the love of my life told me he decided against the army and enlisted in the USMC. I told him from the begging no matter what he decides, I will always be right beside him, supporting every decision. That held true then and it continues now and forever.
Adam teeter totters every day with the choice to stay in. No joke every day it changes, some days he really enjoys it, others he hates it. I tried to tell him that is how every job is, but he is determined his dream job would be peachy everyday! Although he may never admit it, I think the separation of him and us really gets to him.
What will we do? Where will we live?
Of course I cant wait to get back to work. I cant really explain it, but growing up having my mom stay at home, I just feel the need to work. I have been debating getting my masters in family/marriage counseling, working with trouble teens, or teaching. But if Adam gets out next year, I am debating being a substitute teacher or working in a daycare, then going back to work full time once Caleb starts preschool.
Adam is weighing a bunch of different options- including but not limited to…. FBI, CIA, U.S. Marshals, changing branches, going to medical school, being a teacher and hoping to coach football. Ideally Adam wants to start his/ our business, but I don’t foresee that happening for a long time. This business I am talking about is- a microbrewery. Adam has only made 2 different kinds of beers and he really enjoys doing it. Ideally once he has perfected his beer and we have enough money saved, we are planning to buy a place (near Clemson of course), and have it a microbrewery and restaurant. This idea was suppose to take place after retiring from the Marines.
Of course depending what job Adam and I get will depend where we move. We dont really have a set place that we want to go, but he doesnt want to go up north and neither do I.
Ideally when Adam joined the USMC he wanted to see if it was a career he would enjoy. The first 2 years were good and once he was selected to be an officer, the future was bright with the potential of making the Marine Corps a career. However now Adam is not so sure this is what he wants to do. Plus the military as a whole is cutting back, which means less slots for the everyone, including officers. This year is a Big turning point. Adam is put on the Captain board this spring. IF he is selected, he has the choice to be on the career designation board. Then late in the fall, if he decides he does want to stay in AND is captain select he finds out if the USMC wants to keep him. So there are many ifs. But the biggest if is- if Adam wants to stay in, then the rest is not in our hands.
Prayers are definitely welcome: )
Thursday, February 2, 2012
The look of death…
You have heard the saying if looks could kill, then I would be dead.
Today after dropping off at preschool, I went to run some errands around town and well if anyone who has/ had a baby knows that they like to be talked to. Well it was a beautiful day, had the windows cracked open, Caleb was wide awake and I was in a pretty good mood, so I plugged my Pandora up to my stereo in the car and we were jamming out to the backstreet boys, Brittany spears, Taylor swift and so on. We were stopped at a stop light, I’m into it just singing like crazy, I look over to my left and this lady was giving me the nastiest look, I just smiled cracked the window a little more and sang louder!
Some people just need to get over themselves and just enjoy life:)
Today after dropping off at preschool, I went to run some errands around town and well if anyone who has/ had a baby knows that they like to be talked to. Well it was a beautiful day, had the windows cracked open, Caleb was wide awake and I was in a pretty good mood, so I plugged my Pandora up to my stereo in the car and we were jamming out to the backstreet boys, Brittany spears, Taylor swift and so on. We were stopped at a stop light, I’m into it just singing like crazy, I look over to my left and this lady was giving me the nastiest look, I just smiled cracked the window a little more and sang louder!
Some people just need to get over themselves and just enjoy life:)
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
To forgive or not to forgive?
Weighing on my heart…
Re- connecting with my “father”?!?!
How much is to much? When is enough really enough? Do you believe in forgiving and forgetting? Can you really forgive someone who did so many awful things in their life? This person was suppose to be a role model, a person who is suppose to teach you right from wrong.
I am trying to gain a better relationship with God. All the books I have read, states that you need to forgive. I have not talked to him in 8, almost 9 years, because I don’t know if I can forgive. Since then he has kept my mom from visiting me and having communication with me.
Do you know how hard it is especially being a military wife, not to not have your parents by your side? This has been eating at me for a long time. I can honestly say I went through the stages of grief. Maybe not all in order, but living in that house I was first depressed about the situation and trying to barging with myself, with god to just get me out of that situation and I would never look back. Then I was in shock that my parents did the things they did, I was in denial that any of it could or did actually happen. At one point I felt guilty that maybe if I had been a better child, or listened better…. angry has been the stage I’ve been stuck at for the last 8-9 years of my life. And just recently I have hope that my life can be better and I can move on from this .
Don’t get me wrong I am a huge advocate of “everything happens for a reason” and “that which does kill you makes you stronger”. But how long can I ignore it. I know I am a stronger person because of my past. Being a parent now has really made me think long and hard about my past.
I’m debating writing him a letter to get it all off my chest, once I know he has received the letter I am thinking about calling and maybe getting some final closure.
Reading this you are probably wondering what I am talking about, how was my childhood so different from everyone else’s, but at this point I am not ready to disclose that information.
Re- connecting with my “father”?!?!
How much is to much? When is enough really enough? Do you believe in forgiving and forgetting? Can you really forgive someone who did so many awful things in their life? This person was suppose to be a role model, a person who is suppose to teach you right from wrong.
I am trying to gain a better relationship with God. All the books I have read, states that you need to forgive. I have not talked to him in 8, almost 9 years, because I don’t know if I can forgive. Since then he has kept my mom from visiting me and having communication with me.
Do you know how hard it is especially being a military wife, not to not have your parents by your side? This has been eating at me for a long time. I can honestly say I went through the stages of grief. Maybe not all in order, but living in that house I was first depressed about the situation and trying to barging with myself, with god to just get me out of that situation and I would never look back. Then I was in shock that my parents did the things they did, I was in denial that any of it could or did actually happen. At one point I felt guilty that maybe if I had been a better child, or listened better…. angry has been the stage I’ve been stuck at for the last 8-9 years of my life. And just recently I have hope that my life can be better and I can move on from this .
Don’t get me wrong I am a huge advocate of “everything happens for a reason” and “that which does kill you makes you stronger”. But how long can I ignore it. I know I am a stronger person because of my past. Being a parent now has really made me think long and hard about my past.
I’m debating writing him a letter to get it all off my chest, once I know he has received the letter I am thinking about calling and maybe getting some final closure.
Reading this you are probably wondering what I am talking about, how was my childhood so different from everyone else’s, but at this point I am not ready to disclose that information.
Monday, January 30, 2012
The separation slump…
Every time Adam leaves, no matter if its on-base or off base training, it takes me right around a week to get out of my slump. Unconsciously I lock myself away in the house and stay in my pjs when possible. The laundry and dishes pile up, dinner is usually a quick fix, of pasta or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
I guess I just get use to having him home. It’s nice being able to leave the house and go to the gym by myself or have an adult conversation.
I guess a week is the time it takes me to get back into the “single” parent routine. You would think that since Adam has been in the marine corps for the past 5 years, I would be use to not seeing him much. Which I am, for the most part. However, I guess it just hits me hard now because we have 2 kids, and this is it, he is about to leave for his first deployment. Training is one thing, because you have a set day that he is coming home. Which in the past has only ever been 4 months in- between the times we haven’t seen each other , so this go around is going to be twice as long and little or no communication.
What I think I hate most is not hearing from him for days, sometimes weeks. It’s that closeness we have, the random things I think about, or funny things Alexis does that I just want to share with him. Yeah usually I get an email, but even that isn’t the same as actually hearing his voice.
It breaks my heart having a smart pre-schooler. when Adam started these work ups, Alexis was taking it hard. She was use to having him home at night and she would ask why daddy wasn’t home yet, or why he missed dinner, or why he wasn’t praying with us. It got to the point where I would leave the hall light on (because Adams enlisted boot camp picture is in the hall), she would tell me she just wants to look at her handsome daddy!
I guess I just get use to having him home. It’s nice being able to leave the house and go to the gym by myself or have an adult conversation.
I guess a week is the time it takes me to get back into the “single” parent routine. You would think that since Adam has been in the marine corps for the past 5 years, I would be use to not seeing him much. Which I am, for the most part. However, I guess it just hits me hard now because we have 2 kids, and this is it, he is about to leave for his first deployment. Training is one thing, because you have a set day that he is coming home. Which in the past has only ever been 4 months in- between the times we haven’t seen each other , so this go around is going to be twice as long and little or no communication.
What I think I hate most is not hearing from him for days, sometimes weeks. It’s that closeness we have, the random things I think about, or funny things Alexis does that I just want to share with him. Yeah usually I get an email, but even that isn’t the same as actually hearing his voice.
It breaks my heart having a smart pre-schooler. when Adam started these work ups, Alexis was taking it hard. She was use to having him home at night and she would ask why daddy wasn’t home yet, or why he missed dinner, or why he wasn’t praying with us. It got to the point where I would leave the hall light on (because Adams enlisted boot camp picture is in the hall), she would tell me she just wants to look at her handsome daddy!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Workups Harder than actual deployment?!?!
I've heard from other military wives that the work ups to a deployment are worse than the actual deployment its self....
Well so far its been hello, goodbye for the last several months…when he isn’t here I am missing him like crazy, when he is here we are at each others throats! I’ve heard this is normal, it’s the stress on both of us that makes us irritable and we argue. He is stressed about his first deployment and what he has to do during the months he is away….I am stressed with having 2 kids doing the “single” parent thing for many months and losing my best friend!
Of course reading this you would think why cant they just cherish the time they have together after all they are not going to see each other for a long time, well it’s not that easy! Adam is a keep to self person about his work which is a good and bad thing. Bad because he never talks to me about it, so he is usually in a pissed off mood or zoned out when he is at home. When Adam is gone, I am making lists of things that have to get done before the big day. But when he is home, (which I understand) the things never get done because well….life happens. Which makes me irritable because I already feel like I am holding down the home front, I just need the bare minimal help from him!
Well realization is kicking in more and more,. He is now doing his final training. When he gets back we have the pre-deployment leave and then he is gone. Now I will NOT be posting details on when, and where Adam is but I can say he is leaving in spring and we don’t know when he will be home. This deployment will be on MEU (Marine Expeditionary unit) which is based mainly on a ship. Adam doesn’t like the idea of being a Marine, having all the training he has and not being in a combat zone, however I am more at peace knowing my husband isn’t in a combat zone!
Well here is to making each day count when he IS home!
Well so far its been hello, goodbye for the last several months…when he isn’t here I am missing him like crazy, when he is here we are at each others throats! I’ve heard this is normal, it’s the stress on both of us that makes us irritable and we argue. He is stressed about his first deployment and what he has to do during the months he is away….I am stressed with having 2 kids doing the “single” parent thing for many months and losing my best friend!
Of course reading this you would think why cant they just cherish the time they have together after all they are not going to see each other for a long time, well it’s not that easy! Adam is a keep to self person about his work which is a good and bad thing. Bad because he never talks to me about it, so he is usually in a pissed off mood or zoned out when he is at home. When Adam is gone, I am making lists of things that have to get done before the big day. But when he is home, (which I understand) the things never get done because well….life happens. Which makes me irritable because I already feel like I am holding down the home front, I just need the bare minimal help from him!
Well realization is kicking in more and more,. He is now doing his final training. When he gets back we have the pre-deployment leave and then he is gone. Now I will NOT be posting details on when, and where Adam is but I can say he is leaving in spring and we don’t know when he will be home. This deployment will be on MEU (Marine Expeditionary unit) which is based mainly on a ship. Adam doesn’t like the idea of being a Marine, having all the training he has and not being in a combat zone, however I am more at peace knowing my husband isn’t in a combat zone!
Well here is to making each day count when he IS home!
It's been awhile....
HEllO AGAIN:)
Ok its been way to long since the last time I wrote on this blog page!
In a nut shell since the last time...I worked full time at AEO company, got pregnant, had a baby, put Allie in dance and gymnastic classes, started Allie in on-base preschool, I'm working on a closer relationship with GOD and currently I'm getting ready to say goodbye to my husband for several months for his first deployment!!
This blog will now be used to help me keep my sanity....it will document my life through the deployment and hopefully Adam will get to see and read how we are adjusting to life....
Ok its been way to long since the last time I wrote on this blog page!
In a nut shell since the last time...I worked full time at AEO company, got pregnant, had a baby, put Allie in dance and gymnastic classes, started Allie in on-base preschool, I'm working on a closer relationship with GOD and currently I'm getting ready to say goodbye to my husband for several months for his first deployment!!
This blog will now be used to help me keep my sanity....it will document my life through the deployment and hopefully Adam will get to see and read how we are adjusting to life....
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