Weighing on my heart…
Re- connecting with my “father”?!?!
How much is to much? When is enough really enough? Do you believe in forgiving and forgetting? Can you really forgive someone who did so many awful things in their life? This person was suppose to be a role model, a person who is suppose to teach you right from wrong.
I am trying to gain a better relationship with God. All the books I have read, states that you need to forgive. I have not talked to him in 8, almost 9 years, because I don’t know if I can forgive. Since then he has kept my mom from visiting me and having communication with me.
Do you know how hard it is especially being a military wife, not to not have your parents by your side? This has been eating at me for a long time. I can honestly say I went through the stages of grief. Maybe not all in order, but living in that house I was first depressed about the situation and trying to barging with myself, with god to just get me out of that situation and I would never look back. Then I was in shock that my parents did the things they did, I was in denial that any of it could or did actually happen. At one point I felt guilty that maybe if I had been a better child, or listened better…. angry has been the stage I’ve been stuck at for the last 8-9 years of my life. And just recently I have hope that my life can be better and I can move on from this .
Don’t get me wrong I am a huge advocate of “everything happens for a reason” and “that which does kill you makes you stronger”. But how long can I ignore it. I know I am a stronger person because of my past. Being a parent now has really made me think long and hard about my past.
I’m debating writing him a letter to get it all off my chest, once I know he has received the letter I am thinking about calling and maybe getting some final closure.
Reading this you are probably wondering what I am talking about, how was my childhood so different from everyone else’s, but at this point I am not ready to disclose that information.
3 comments:
I think it is at least worth the shot to write a letter. Then you can at least tell yourself that you made an effort to forgive.
I can really relate to this post and I have struggled with this very thing before (and still do!). I believe that forgiveness is the greatest gift, not a gift you give someone else, but that you give yourself. People say, "the truth will set you free", but I believe that forgiving the people in your life that have wronged you will truly set you free. I think that it's possible to forgive the person, but not to forget what happened because if it had never happened, you wouldn't be who you are. One thing to keep in mind is, just because you have forgiven someone does not mean that they will stop hurting you and that is a very harsh and painful reality. I hope that God will help you with this. After all, he is the Master of forgiveness :) <3
Paula, you are making a HUGE step by writing that letter, and I am so proud of you! Call me when you get the chance. :)
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